Star Fox side story


-Phase 1-

"I'm bored! Aren't we there yet?!"

Slippy raised his huge, rotund eyes to his fellow teammates, pleading to have his desperate question answered. It was Fox who silenced him with these words:

-Fox: Don't worry, we'll be there soon. According to the in-board flight computer, we should reach planet Wai-Wai in about two hours.

-Slippy: What?! Two hours?! No! I can't wait that long! I'll go nuts!

-Falco: I'll be the one going nuts if you don't shut your big yap! We should have never taken this whiny child along with us on vacation, he'll be blabbering all day long, and we'll never get any rest! Some vacation that'll be!

-Slippy: I can't help it, I'm just so excited that we're going on vacation to planet Wai-Wai! Everyone tells me it's just the coolest holiday resort planet! It has gorgeous beaches, great weather, huge videogame arcades, lovely hot spring resorts, superb food and very pretty girls!

-Falco: Hmph! You'd believe any nonsense they tell you in some stupid tourist brochure.

-Slippy: But it's true! My uncle Drippy spent his summer holiday there once, and he said it's great!

-Peppy: And considering that tourism is planet Wai-Wai's main and almost only source of income, it has to deliver the goods to keep attracting tourists, so there may be some truth in the raving from the brochures after all.

-Fox: I suppose so. And, with all the dough we made from the massive sales of our latest game, we can afford to stay in the most luxurious hotel on the planet! Isn't it just awesome to be filthy rich?

-Falco: On that subject, I agree with you, though of course, I should be the one who gets the credit, as with my superior flight skills, I managed to single-handedly kill an enormous quantity of enemy ships, thus earning the bulk of our holiday cash!

-Fox: What?! That is such a lie, I was the one who did all the work!

-Falco: But I am the most popular and cool-looking character! If it wasn't for me, the Star Fox saga would be dull and empty, it would have no fans at all, and you'd never have sold one single copy of our game! Why do you think all those idiots bought our game, in the first place? I'll tell you why, it was because they were so spellbound by my amazing gorgeousness that they simply had to buy a copy!

-Fox: *sigh* There he goes again....somehow, I'm also beginning to doubt if this vacation will be a relaxing one....

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Indeed, the upcoming vacation for the four Star Fox pilots would not be as easygoing as they had hoped, as the nasty monkey Andross was as of now developing cruel plans to vanquish his arch enemies. Yes, that's right, he was still alive, even after you've seen him die on-screen, complete with massive explosions at the end of the game, he just mysteriously returns from his apparent death, like videogame megalomaniacs are prone to do, the bastards. But before he could enact his latest plan, he had to speak very firmly to his foursome of flunkies who had proven most ineffective: Star Wolf. He let a rain of angered phrases strike down upon them.

-Andross: Idiots! You incompetent, brainless, fumbling idiots! I was this close to conquering the entire cosmos, all you needed to do was kill Star Fox, but you are incapable even of accomplishing such a simple task! I'm through with no-hopers like you, dissapear this instant, you are fired!

A look of shock and distress appeared on the faces of the four known as the Star Wolf team upon hearing this last word.

-Leon: What?


-Wolf: Fired??

-Andrew: Uncle can't fire me!

-Andross: It's either that or kill you on the spot! Now push off, all of you, while you still can!

And so, they pushed off, not daring to contradict their former employer when he was in such a state. After having calmed down a little, Andross re-capped the situation in these terms:

-Andross: That's the last time I hire assasins who'se name I got from the phone book. This time, I'm going for real proffesionals! Haven't my "replacements" arrived yet?

-"We are right here, Lord Andross"--

-Andross: What? Who was that? Who has just spoken?

From a shady doorway behind Andross emerged four figures. They were the "replacements" Andross had requested: the four most fearsome assasins in the solar system, referred to as the Four Killers. The real names of these four assasins were unknown, instead they went by their codenames, "Glass Crow", "Velvet Fish, "Bronze Panther" and "Ebony Bat". It was Ebony Bat, apparently the leader of these four, who decided to do the talking, and he addressed these words to Andross:

-Bat: Lord Andross, you can rest assured that we, the Four Killers will not fail you. We kill for a living, it's what we've done all our lives, if anyone's an expert on that subject, we are! The only thing you need to do is state the name of the one or the ones you want dead, and their fate is as good as sealed.

-Andros:...I, you are the famous Four Killers....

He took a little while to comtemplate fearsome assasins that he had just hired. First, Glass Crow. He had a short, but muscular build and an expression on his face as if he was always sulking. A few strands of his spiky, pale purple hair were hanging in his eyes, but this didn't seem to bother him. His appearance gave the impression of a great strenght, trapped in a physical envelope too small to forever contain it. Next to him stood Velvet Fish, whose appearance was not at all that of a fierce killer. Instead, this elegant and delicate young man of the auquarian race seemed almost fragile as his long, light green hair draped his narrow shoulders, but it was said that when provoked, his small, slender body became one of the most vicious and effective weapons around. Bronze Panther seemed to be the exact physical opposite of Fish, towering above the others, a textbook example of "the strong, silent type", as he was rumoured to speak very little, preferring instead to gaze out of his grey eyes that were adorned by eyebrows of a profound brown. His imposing presence was one that would be felt rather than heard. Finally, Ebony Bat. The large bat wings folded on his back, the long scar running over the left side of his face, the pitch-black hair worn in a long braid and the eyes that intensely radiated cruelty made him an impressive sight indeed, and the very mention of his name would petrify even the most ruthless of deep-space bounty hunters. Judging by their looks alone, hiring them already seemed to have been a wise investment.

-Andross: Good, you seem to know your stuff well. Now then, the ones I want you to get rid of are the four members of the Star Fox team. I trust that you will not make the same mistakes as Star Wolf?

-Crow: Of course not! What do you think we are, a bunch of bleedin' amateurs?! Look here, mister, we are the elite killers of the cosmos, nobody can escape us, understood?!

-Fish: Crow, you shouldn't talk like that to our employer! Vraiment, such conduct is not at all fitting. Seigneur Andross, please do forgive him, he just gets carried away....Oh, mais, where are our manners?! We have not introduced ourselves yet! Je vous demande pardon....I am the one who is known as Velvet Fish, and I can assure you that the Four Killers always deliver the goods! *wink*

-Crow: Yeah, whatever, you just love doing that intro speech routine, don't you, Fish?

-Fish: Ta geule! At least I know how to show proper decorum! Of course, a brute ruffian like you would not understand how my delicate heart feels!

-Crow: Well, obviously. You're so freaked out that nobody understands what you think or feel, you wierdo!

-Fish: Aah, Crow is being mean to me! Panther, make him stop!

-Panther: It's allright, Crow didn't mean it....

-Crow: Yeah, like hell I didn't. That dweeb was asking for it!

-Fish: Méchant! You're always so mean to everyone! That's why I like Panther muuuuch better than you, Panther's never mean to me!

-Crow: Humph! Panther's just too boring to turn a phrase like I can!

-Panther: Who is boring? You've gone too far this time, Crow!

-Bat: That's enough, cut it out, all of you! Honestly, arguing like this in front of our employer when we have a serious job to do! Really, you lot are impossible!

-Andross: If you four have finished your little discussion, perhaps you'd care to know that the Star Fox team is on it's way to the resort planet Wai-Wai, where they intend to spend a vacation.

-Bat: That will be a perfect opportunity to catch them off-guard. It only makes our task more easy than it already is. I can give you a 200% guarantee that Star Fox will soon be history!

-Andross: Excellent, I'm counting on you, Four Killers! This time, Star Fox is finished, for sure! Ah, this seems to be the perfect moment to do my scary psycho laugh! Ha ha ha ha ha!


"Finally, the planet Wai-Wai of my dreams! Weeyahoo!"

This was the phrase belted out by Slippy as soon as the Great Fox had landed it's metallic hulk on Wai-Wai's soil. Immediately after that, he had dashed out of the ship and was now excitedly running around in circles in front of the resting space vessel. As the other pilots left the ship with some more composure than their immature teammate, they overheard his bright squeals of joy:

-Slippy: Wee! Wee! I'm so happy to be here! I could just get down on my knees and kiss the ground!

-Falco: Well, if you must, then do so, but don't blame me if you should catch a fatal germ and die within an hour. Not that I'd care if you did....

-Slippy: Aw, shut up! I'm enjoying it! Come on, guys, what should we do first? We could go to the hot springs, or to the beach, or see the waterfalls!

-Fox: This is just a suggestion, but perhaps it would be a good idea to check in at our hotel first?

-Peppy: How true, one must always have a place that one can call "home". Without a home to go back to, one feels lost and disoriented.....

-Falco: Must you always churn out semi-profound philosphical talk like that?

-Peppy: Hey, it took me all night to come up with that line!

-Falco: You really must be getting old if that's your best result. Either that or you've always been stupid.

-Peppy: Grrr, you youngsters have no respect for anyone!

-Falco: The only one I respect is myself, gramps!

-Peppy: "Gramps"?! Now you've really gone too far! I'm warning you, I'm going to get angry! I'm going to lose my temper!

-Fox: Couldn't we pause this little conversation for now and head for the hotel instead?

-Falco: What is it with you and this hotel?

-Fox: It's just that, after living in a dump like the Great Fox for so long, I thought it'd be nice to live in a place that is at least halfway decent for a while.

-Falco: Well, you have a point there, it'll make a nice change from our ship with it's leaky plumbing, bad airco and uncomfortable chairs. And besides, a setting of extreme luxury would be very becoming for my gorgeous and brilliant presence!

-Fox: *sweatdrop* Yes, I...suppose so.....

-Slippy: Awww, but I wanted to check out the videogame arcade!

-Peppy: You'll have plenty of time to do that later.

-Slippy: No, I want to go there now! I've waited for ages until we arrived here, and now that we are here, I want to have fun!

-Falco: Hrmph! Capricious brat!

-Slippy: You three just go ahead to the hotel, I'll catch up later.

-Fox: Well, allright but watch out that you don't get lost again.....

-Peppy:..and that you don't get mugged by street punks...

-Falco:....or eaten by rampaging jungle animals. Other than that, have fun. Now, let's get a taxi.

-Slippy: Jungle animals? Street punks? Yeek! Guys, wait! Don't leave me here! I want to go to the hotel! I'm scared!

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Planet Wai-Wai had a remarkable lay-out: almost all of the planet's surface was covered with water, there was only one mass of land, a large island in the middle of the ocean that otherwise covered the entire planet. This island contained the planet's only settlements and civilised life. For the Four Killers, this was good news indeed, as it meant that would only have one island to search, instead of a whole planet, in order to find their targets. They had arrived at the island's main spaceport just minutes ago, and Velvet Fish had immediately darted off to the nearest souvenir shop, where he released the full force of his window-shopping mania.

-Fish: Kyaa, these sunglasses are so cool! Oh, a Sailor Eternal Moon keychain! Comme c'est chou! And I simply must have that Game Boy Color with the Berry-coloured casing, it's sooooooo me!

-Crow: Fish, you're taking this too far! Those Game Boys are expensive, you cannot spend dough like that just becasue you like it's pink casing!

-Fish: Oh, shut up! You don't understand how important it is to accesoirize! Cool accessoires bring out your outfit, and also your natural charm! Well, they won't bring out your natural charm, bien sur, as you have no such thing!

-Crow:....*sweatdrop* I still say you're an impossible spendthrift, not to mention a complete wacko!

-Fish: Why I ought to....oh! A Pokemon beach towel! How adorable! Oh, and it's on sale for half it's original price! And tax-free, too! Quelle chance!

-Crow:*sigh*....That freak is simply impossible!

And so, it is with a heavily flexed credit card, and a ton of cutesy trinkets that Fish just couldn't resist that the quartet of assasins leave the island's spaceport. As they are strolling along the islands' roads, Fish raises the following question:

-Fish: Dites, les mecs, at what hotel will we be staying?

-Bat: Fish, for the last time, we're on a mission, not on a vacation. The purpose of our presence here is to find and kill team Star Fox.

-Fish: Yes, yes, but that doesn't mean we can't have a little fun. It's not often that we get to do a job in a surrounding as pretty as this one. It'd be a shame if we passed by all the delights that there are to enjoy here without making use of them. I haven't forgotten about our mission, but if we can bundle it with a good time on a lovely tropical island, it would be like killing two flies with one stone, n'est-ce pas?

-Bat: Well, perhaps so. And anyway, you're so stubborn that once you've set your mind on something, it's impossible to pound some sense into you, so what the hell, enjoy the island as much as you like. It's not like a little amusement will stop us from achieving our mission. After all, we, the Four Killers never mess up an assasination, our skill for killing is our most outstanding qualitiy. To kill is our way of life.....

-Fish: Oh, you sound so serious. It's not good to worry so much, you should relax a little, and this island is just the right place for relaxation. See, my suggestion is valid for you as well. Alors, maintenant, let's go to the town and find a nice hotel. Preferably a very expensive one!

-Crow: Again with the spending mania.....he will one day drive me properly mad....

-Fish: Allez, I want to get this hotel thing settled quickly, so I can go to the hot springs!

-Panther: There are hot springs here?

-Fish: Eh oui, most of the mountains on this island have slight volcanic activity. The lava that flows deep inside the rocks warms the mountain water, thus creating tropical hot springs! I heard that taking a bath in a tropical spring is very good for one's skin! I've always wanted to try it!

-Crow: That's what you had in mind from the very beginning, isn't it?

-Fish: Absolument non! I always put our mission first!

-Crow: Somehow, I find that difficult to beleive....

They ended up settling for the most expensive hotel on the island, and decided that they'd include the hotel's costs in their bill to Andross. After all, once they had killed Star Fox, the old monkey would no doubt be so overjoyed that he'd pay them any price they'd want. No sooner had this been settled that Fish dashed off to the hot springs. It was with the following words that he left his colleagues:

-Fish: A bientot, les mecs! And don't worry, if I run into one of those Star Fox guys, I can handle it!

-Bat: Yes, I don't doubt that....but does Fish know who the Star Fox pilots are and what they look like?

-Panther: No, he has no idea of that.

-Bat: Dohhhhh!! And then he claims that he always puts our mission first! I don't believe this...

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It was now very early evening. The sun was still up in the sky, but the streets had gone slightly more quiet, and the evening air was pleasantly cool. From halfway up the mountain, where the hot springs were located, there was a clear view of the island below, still buzzing with touristic activity, and the endless ocean stretching out beyond it seemed to merge itself with the blue evening sky at the horizon.

The warm water of the island's hot springs lay motionless, like a mirror, with not one ripple blemishing it's spotless surface. Only the steam emanating from it revealed that they were indeed pools of water.

Fox stood at the edge of one of these warm pools, contemplating the scene. It had been so long since he had been able to enjoy a peaceful moment to himself....The monotony and loneliness of life in space had only been broken up here and there by the tension and violence of battles. Although it was the life he had chosen to lead, a more peaceful and perhaps more joyful existence sometimes seemed attractive as well.

Sunken in his slight contemplative nostalgy, Fox did not notice that someone else was energically pacing up the mountain road, eager to reach the hot springs. In his hurry to reach the warm springs of mountain water, this person didn't pay much attention to his surroundings and lightly bumped into Fox as he hurried past him. The impact of the individual's shoulder surpised Fox so much that he lost his balance and fell head-first into the pool of water he had been gazing at.

For a moment, he was submerged into the gentle, soothing thermal water, but before he could even recover from the surprise of this, a pair of hands reached into the water, grabbed his shoulders and pulled him out again. A rain of apologies and embarrassed words then showered down upon Fox.

-Fish: Oh, mon dieu, I am sorry, I do so apologise! It was honestly not in my intention to knock you into that pool, vraiment! I am just so clumsy! Oh, quelle horreur, you are all wet! I must have ruined your clothes! Tenez, a towel. I don't know what to say, really, je vous prie de me pardonner.....

-Fox:'s allright, don't worry about it....I was heading for the hot springs as it is, so I would've been wet in a few minutes anyways....

-Fish: *nervous laugh* Eh bien, that is true. But I did soak all your clothes, and I must have scared you as well. Venez, you must dry yourself, and I insist that I should formally apologise. Please tell me the name of the one to whom I am now so indebted.....

-Fox: It's Fox McCloud


The news that this young man was none other than his target, the leader of Star Fox was indeed a surprise to Fish. For a moment, he harboured the thought that it was quite a shame really, to have to kill him, as spending some more time with this young man might have been fun, but he quickly discarded this line of thought. After all, the mission comes first, they would be richly paid for this, and it was honestly silly to get sentimental over someone whom he had known for only five minutes. But, since Fish had found his company quite pleasant so far, he decided to at least break the news gently to him. And to this end, he employed the following words:

-Fish: I see, alors comme ca, you are the one who is referred to as "Star Fox". Vraiment, quelle surprise! A mon tour, allow me to reveal my identity. I am called Velvet Fish....

-Fox: I think I've heard that name before somewhere....

-Fish: C'est bien possible, for I am also the second of the famous Four Killers. We do have a reputation that rather travels ahead of us, so to speak.

-Fox: I've heard about you're among the most feared and sought-after criminals in space...

-Fish: Oh, comme c'est mal me connaitre. We just do our job to make a living, like everyone else. We're here on this island strictly for business as well, vous voyez, but now that I've found you, our mission will very soon be brought to a succesful end.


-Fish: You've guessed it, monsieur McCloud, my target is you. Please don't take it badly, it's nothing personal, really, but if our employer orders us to kill you, then that's what I will do. C'est la vie.

--"We'll see about that!"--

A loud, commanding voice behing them had suddenly uttered the above phrase, thus interrupting them. They turned around to see who was the owner of this voice and where very surprised to see that the one standing behind them, the one who had just spoken was none other than Star Wolf. For a moment, Fish was overcome by surprise, then, regaining his composure, he spoke the following reply:

-Fish: Ca alors, I was not expecting to meet you here. I am, of course, very pleased to see you again, that goes without saying, but I am rather preoccupied pour l'instant. If you could perhaps delay your busyness for a short while, it will only take a moment, then I'll be all yours.

-Wolf: Oh no, I'll have none of that! I'm dealing with you personally, as in right now!

-Fish: Oh, how impetuous you are! I must say I quite like that in you ^_ ~. Mais bon, that is not to the point now. Please tell me, how can I be of service to you?

-Wolf: You little runts. Did you really think Team Star Wolf would allow you to just walk in and take over our positions like that? To kill Star Fox is our duty, no butting in line! We won't forgive you! It's because of you that we lost our positions as henchmen of emperor Andross, but now we'll re-claim what is rightfully ours!

-Fish: Well, well, ma parole, it sounds like you are challenging me!

-Wolf: That's it, exactly! After what you have done to us, you are our enemies! We've come here to teach you a good lesson, and once you've been dealt with, the lives of Star Fox will be ours to take, and we will be re-instated in emperor Andross' esteem!

-Fish: My, my, tout un programme! You seem to be determined, but do you really think you can succeed? If you want to steal my prey, you'll have to face me first. Do you really have what it takes to get past me?

-Wolf: I've got this!

With those words, Wolf rapidly produces a pistol and aims it at Fish. Fish, however seems to be not at all alarmed by the sight of the firearm pointed at him

-Fish: Quel dommage. I am dissapointed to see you employing such a predictable startegy, you know very well that it will be totally ineffective against me. You can do better than that, I'm sure of it!

-Wolf: Shut up and eat this!

The gun in Wolf's hand is then fired several times, but Fish, anticipating this, evades the bullets, and with impressive speed, he kicks the pistol out of Wolf's hands. In a flash, he then grabs both Wolf's arms, and despite his small en delicate stature, has enough strength to easily contain the struggling Wolf.

-Wolf: Damn it! Let go, you bastard!

-Fish: Now, now, un peu de tenue, je vous en prie! I was hoping to find an amusing diversion in fighting you, but you have really let me down. No wonder seigneur Andross kicked you out if you where this ineffective in all missions you undertook.

-Wolf: Shut up! You, McCloud, get out of here, quickly! Get off this planet as fast as you can!

-Fox: ...What?

-Wolf: You heard me! Leave now, while you still can! Go on, what are you waiting for?! Scram, escape from this planet while you still have a chance! Those four are no match for you and your team, don't try anything brave just get the hell out of here, quickly!

-Fish: Ah, so it was your intention, right from the beginning, to give them a chance to escape by keeping me busy here?

-Wolf: Well, it beats letting you get your hands the one I have sworn to kill! I will be the one to beat Star Fox, and nobody else!

-Fish: It's rather a transparent strategy, vous ne trouvez pas? Also, I rather doubt that this nice young man McCloud will just abandon you here while I break all your bones.

Fish then added deeds to these words by painfully twisting Wolf's arms around behind his back and slowly applying more pressure to them. At this rate, his arms would soon suffer severe damage!

-Wolf: Gu....guwaaah! Why you....

-Fish: I warned you, didn't I? You have only yourself to blame.

-Wolf: Heh...See if I care. You can do whatever you want, at least McCloud has already escaped!

-Fish: Hm? Ah, tiens, so he has.

Indeed, Fish now noticed that Fox had dissapeared from the scene, no doubt attempting to rejoin his teammates

-Wolf: I told you, I'll never let you take Star Fox's lives, they're ours!

-Fish: Don't think you've won so soon, they haven't gotten off the planet yet, and your little plan to keep me here is not much of a success either. Tenez, it'll only take me a few moments to get rid of you.....voyons how well you manage to contain me without the use of your arms...

-Wolf: Without the....?

With a powerful blow, Fish then shattered most of the bones in Wolf's arms, and he didn't stop there.....Meanwhile, Fox was making his way back to the hotel, filled with confused thoughts...

-Fox: I don't get it.....I don't understand....Why did he...for what reason did Wolf save me? What is happening here?