Humor Page 3

HEY! You acually made it here! HOORAH! It took awhile huh? but you finally did it. Give youself a pat on the back. Now all you gotta do is read more Humor on this page and the Interviews which will take forever! WAHAHAHAHA! ok.. Just keep reading.... Enjoy
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Coicidence? Submitted by Laura Tigress 

 Check this out. In StarFox 64, there's a Leon Powalski, right? Well,
like me and all The Simpsons fans, I got the book "The Simpsons: A
Complete Guide to Our Favorite Family", which talks about almost all the
episodes. In one episode, Homer meets a fake Michael Jackson. Well, (get
this) his real name is . . .

           LEON KOMPOWSKY!!!!!!

Look and sound familier?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!


Another SFX sad Story... Submitted by Fred Brystone 

Hiya. I'm here to tell you a little story about sector Z, well actually 2 stories....
    OK, I have only 1 medal to go, and it's sector Z. By the end of the level my thumb is sore, and when I look at the points, guess what I see. a 99!!!!!! I was really peeved, so I tried again, but THIS time, it's a 98!!!!!
    OK, here's the other story. I was really close to beating Z, but I turned it off, when I came back in, and started the game. ALL THE MEDALS WERE GONE!!! Thus, now I have no hope whatsoever to get those little people.


More Star Fox 64 Mistakes... Submitted by PsychoSpunky 

Sometimes after fighting Star Wolf on Venom (this depends on which position you are in), you'll circle around then fly into Andross's base! That's the normal part. Here's the weird part. Fox'll fly straight through the posts in the ground without getting hurt! That's cool (but weird...)...

-------------------------------
Another joke
-------------------------------

Why can't I do that?

When you're fighting and other Star Fox members come one to the screen, they can go totally vertical while flying but you can't! That's not cool! That's stinx!


Starfox Mistakes... Submitted by Katt Monroe 

StarFox 64 Mistakes:

  In Sector Y Peppy says for for to shoot little bug things down.
Afterwards, you should either hear:

  Falco: "Fox! You're suppous to shot them all!"
                      OR
  Peppy: "Good job. Keep up the good work!"

 I always shoot all of them down and get a gold ring and I hear Falco!
 
(I'm gonna change my name cause I hate him . . . someone better shoot HIM down.)

Thank you for listening.


Top 7 Things that you Shouldn't do in Multiplayer... Submitted by Bigfoot 

7. ram your oppenent when you both have full health, but he has a bomb and lasers
6. shoot a bomb at the buildings and say your killing people
5. psychological warfare (tell them you really have 10 bombs, there just invisible)
4. make 'em mad when they have a bomb, lasers, 4 points on a 5 point game, and your low on shields
3. if your tailing them and they are summersault happy, don't brake
2. don't stay behind a summersault happy freak with a bomb (he can shoot it at the ground and hurt you)
1. don't tell him you still owe his mom 3 cents from last night when he has a very distinct advantage

A Message from Katt Monroe... Submitted by Katt Monroe 

   How Stupid IS Slippy?

   Check this out. When you go to Sector Y in one part Slippy says,
"Something's wrong. I don't see anything." BUT I SEE SOMETHING! One of
those flying knights or whatever!
   When you go to Solar, Slippy says, "It's too hot! I can't take it
anymore!" WELL DUH! HE CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE BECAUSE HE FLEW RIGHT BY
THE LAVA!
   When you beat that missle level, he says, "Don't worry. Slippy's
here!" Shut up Slippy! StarFox never needed his help, and we worry
because he exsists!

     Thank you for listening.

-Katt Monroe


Stupid Starfox Characters we will Never see... Submitted by Evan Allison 

Star star: star star is a living star, he is as dopey as his name
suggests, he looks like a little floating cartoon star.

Star feces: the intergalactic mr hankey, he is a cheerful peice of shit
who likes to sing barney type songs.

Star cadaver: fianly a character more lifeless than fox, he just sits
there like a good little corpse, he is dead after all,

p.s. fox is one sick perv, not only does he cross dress, but he is
dating his cosine, what next, is he going to date star?


You've been playing too much Starfox when... Submitted by PsychoSpunky and thanks to Wild Wolf 

you attempt to make a neuralizer to erase your parents memory

and you suceed

you send in starfox humor and get mixed up with Men in Black because
your brain is warped

your still working on the same starfox humor for 3 months

everytime you beat starfox instead of saying "The End" it says "we cant
take it anymore!"

then it says "turn the game off!"

then it begins to bribe you with a few thousand dollars

and you refuse

then the game blows up

your have 35 melted starfox games from overheating

you juice up your rumble pack and it causes a 9.0

you juice up your rumble pack and you blow california away

you juice up your rumble pack and becom the first person on mars

you hack into foxs crew and create a humor section about juicing up your
rumble pack (heehee) *Editor's Note: About that humor
section....

you think wolf odonnel deserves something good since he went through a
hard life

you point out things about wolf odonnel like his cut ear and peter pan
cap, like me (check out my message on the message
board under Wild Wolf)

you send in starfox humor and tell people to go ti the message board and
check out your stuff

wolf pokes his other eye out and throws it at you when your playing the
game

you shoot katt down in the game and she says "i could kiss you for
that!" before she explodes into a million pieces

Falco decides not to go on a mission because hes tired

you walk in school/workplace/etc with an N64 controller locked in your
hands

you tell andross of the milky way and in turn he gives you control of
your school/work place/etc

everyone in the game shoots you and general pepper sends a fleet out to
get you

and you beat them all

you think the lylat system is real

you then try to travel to the lylat system

and you suceed

you beat andross and corneria

you become andross

you come back to the milky way and announce that nintendo make a sequel
to starfox or youll blow up Earth

you say in a weird language "hand over the galaxy or else earth will be
destroyed"

you destroy earth

your starfox humor sidetracks twice on Men in Black


Five things I want to happen in starfox... Submitted by John and Patrica Williams 

    1.get falco to run into one of those big missles in sector x
    2.have slippy stop gettin' high on helium
    3.have starwolf shoot down katt and her wussy ship
    4.have leon and katt have a baby and see what kinda freak it is

5.KILL THAT  PIECE OF CRAP FALCO


Top ten reasons why Slippy has a high voice... Submitted by PsychoSpunky 

10. Slippy wants to be annoying
9. He's practicing for his role in a cartoon show.
8. He sucks on helium ballons.
7. He thinks it'll scare off Andross.
6.His mom told him to.
5. Hetries not to scare the little kids.
4. He faked his age when he joined Star Fox.
3.He wants to be the "baby" of the group.
2. Slippy is a girl.
1. The guys at Nintendo have a very, very SICK sense of humor...

Top ten  reasons that Peppy is still on Star Fox (even though he's old)... Submitted by PsychoSpunky 

10. He's going thru a midlife crisis.
9. He thought he's get less of a bill on his taxes.
8. He's overprotective of Fox.
7. He likes lecturing Slippy.
6. He thinks that He should keep Falco in line.
5. He playes too much Star Fox 64
4. Fox is scared without him.
3. His false teeth were left on Venom and he wanted them back.
2. He likes being chased on Fortuna
1. He likes his Arwing too much

What if... Submitted by Evan Allison 

What if the starfox characters talked like south park and slippy got killed every level...

"ow! watch where your shooting pigfucker"
"oh my god! they killed slippy!"


Question & Answer Joke... Submitted by  Kenny Beach  

Q-what dose it take to kill star fox?
A-Pigma poop

Another Psycho... Submitted by Me(permission taken from J.Wolfman) 

Be on the lookout for Jason Wolfman. All prezel places must leave the vincity of the Lylat System because Jason Wolfman is here. If he sees a prezel he'll go mad I tell you. You'll get the crap beaten outta you if he sees you touching a prezel or smell like one. He is obses with prezels and can not stand for 4 days without prezels for will go insane. It's be 4 days now and has ransacked 183 prezel shops in Corneria alone. If you spot him please contact Spunky McCloud at 1-800-Im-Pysco.... Wait a minute, he's a Psycho too!
*Some info are true, so don't believe this is false info. Read Son's Ambition to learn more of his acts.*

Psychoraph Really a Psycho... Submitted by again PsychoSpunky 

Be on the lookout for a PsychoRaph who is obsessed with Star Fox 64. He is a madman I tell you. Here are some of the victims' stories.
    Child: I said, "Noooo! Don't torture my dog! Don't torture my poor puppy
    named BILL!!

What ifs... Submitted by Evan Allison *Note* Don't really get it, but it still deserves to be on the page. 

what if ellen de generous was the star of starfox instead of fox and they called it stardyke 64

what if fox mccloud decides he is gay and makes a show called "fox" that is a virtual clone of "ellen"

what if one of the worlds in starfox 64 were "spice world" and the boss were the spice girls

what if starfox 64 had a plot and dialogue that didnt make the dialogue in resident evil sound like shakespear


You've gone mentally insane if you... Subbmitted by Elstro 

    have a gold controller for Fox, red for Peppy, Green for Slippy, and Blue for Falco. Then you scream at your friends if they put the wrong color controller in the wrong characters socket.

Weird Future Humor FACTS... Submitted by PsychoSpunky 

Where are they now? After saving the Lylat in 2 games and Spunky's sim, where is Star Fox now? Here's the answer:
 

Fox McCloud: On Earth sueing the U.S. Air Force because there is no place to fit Fox's tail in an Earth jet.

Slippy: Being chace in his arwing constantly (as usual)

Falco: He is now a stand up comedian using his attitude to get money to pay his rent.

Peppy: Eating a carrot...


Questions and Answers Jokes... Submitted by Chris Jennings 

Q.How do you cure a drug addict?
A.Lock him in a room with nothing but a N64 & star fox.

Q.How many slippy's dose it take to change a light bolb?
A.2,one to change the bulb,the other to get chassed by bad guys.

Q.Whay do bad guys chass Slippy all the time?
A.They think slippy has Katt's phone number.

Q.Why did Pigma betray Star Fox & joined Andross?
A.Star Fox didn't pay well.

Q.Why did the Swat Kats sue falco?
A.He said "crud".

Q.Why did Cloud Strife in FF7 sue Fox McCloud?
A.Take a wild quess.

Q.Did Andross have a normal job before he turned evil?
A.Yes,a janitor "Those tin cans are no match for me."

Q.What do you call Star Fox with a internet gaming option?
A.Better then Quake.

Q.What dose Star Fox & drugs have in common?
A.don't know but I'm doped on both.

What if Star Wolf got his own game?

What if the Swat Kats became quest stars in Star Fox 64.

What if Star Wolf stole the Turbo Kat from the Swat Kats & used it against Star Fox?

What if Star Fox go there own Manga cartoon.

What if Falco & Katt got married & had a half cat, half bird freak for a kid?

What if Falco & Katt got married & there first baby looked like Fox McCloud?


The Six Symptoms For J.Wolfman FanFic Fans that Need Therapy... Submitted by Jwolfman 

 1) You scream at the TV screen, ìIíM GOING TO TORTURE YOU, BILL!  HA, HA, HA, HA, HA, HA!!!!î*

 2) You watch 101 Dalmatians to see if you could find Roverans.**

 3) You think Natlarn Berola is a member of the Justice Supreme Court.***

 4) You try to E-Mail Joíhara Prather about an offer of free eye surgery.***

 5) When someone comes up to you with a table saw as a gift, you could have sworn that this person is a best friend of Leon Powalski.*

 6) You are the first female ace pilot for a country and you have migraines.****

(You MUST read my fanfic stories in order for you to understand these jokes.  Marked are the stories that connect to the joke: *--Wolfís Destiny, **--Billís War, ***--Natlarnís Influence, ****--Of Snow Leopards and Leon)


You know you've been playing too much Starfox when... Submitted by PsychoSpunky 

...Andross gives up so that you'll stop playing.

...you turn the game on and it says, "If I go through this ONE MORE
TIME, I'll shoot myself!"

...you start yelling at falcons because Falco has a bad temper.

...you go hunting for Apes.

...you shoot every wolf you see and give it cybernetic implants.

...you play the first stage of 'Tomb Raider' over and over again just to shoot the wolves.

... every time you hear a first grader talk, you turn around to see if it was Slippy.

...you buy a Toad and keep telling it, "Shut up and go thru puberty!"

...you buy a bird and teach it to say, "I guess I should be thankful."

...you kill cameilions for fun.

...you have every article on Star Fox up on your walls.

...you write love letters to Katt.

...she answers you (see above).

...you go to see a jet plane's cockpitt and wonder where the tail fits.

...you go buy a bulldog and see how well he can play on Katina.

...you're Slippy's biggest fan.

...you warship Fox McCloud.

...you claim to be James McCloud to get on the team.

...you accidently dress up as Pigma instead (see above).

...you buy 'Diddy Kong Racing' just to try and kill Diddy.

...you buy the old 'Donkey Kong' game (featuring Mario) just to try and kill Donkey Kong.

...you try to make up 'too much Star Fox 64' jokes.

...you succeeed and turn into a psycho(see above).

...you yell at the T.V. screen when Andross talks, "I'll have my revenge! I'll avenge my father!"

...your parents tell you to seek counseling because of your exessive playing.

...you make strategies for Titania and Solar on the 'Medals, Tips and Secrets' page.

...Nintendo agrees to put you as a character in a 'Star Fox 64' sequel.

...You tinker with your car so it will go into 'all range mode'.

...you shoot Slippy to get him out of your hair.

...you shoot Peppy to get him out of the way.

...you know how to play as Falco in training.

...you sign a contract to make Star Fox action figures.

...you appear in a Star Fox holiday special.

...you convince the people of 'Wheaties' cerial to put Fox McCloud on the front of the box.

...you know how to play as Bill in vs. mode.

...you know how to play as Wolf.

...you know how to trigger the 'Debug' mode.

...you find a warp on Venom.

...you win a humor award and put it as wallpaper on your Windows desktop.

...in a jet plane, you lose your wings and can still fly.

...you trigger a warp after you enter the air force.

...you convince NASA to build 'Great Fox'.

...you own Great Fox.

...ROB 64 becomes your favorite character.

...you try to make the original Star Fox compatable with your N64.


The Top and Worst 10 Books in Corneria... Submitted by Jwolfm an

 

 1) I Didnít Do It; Pigmaís Fault

 2) Apes of Wrath

 3) Of Snow Leopards and Leon (read my fanfic....pretty please?)

 4) Billís Guide to Avoiding Torture

 5) Why Justice is Important, by Natlarn Berola

 6) Leonís Make-Your-Own Palm-Sized Table Saw Guide

 7) 1,001 Ways to Hate Wolf OíDonnell, by Andross

 8) Young Forever, by Slippy Toad (no wonder he couldnít escape puberty...)

 9) The Benefits of Being Old, by Peppy Hare

 10) Why Andross is a Back-Stabber, by Buck (Natlarnís Influence fanfic) *You must read Jwolfman's Fanfic to get these jokes


That Freekin' Sector Z(Another Weird Fact)... Submitted by PsychoSpunky

Sector Z, this place is the stage where Great Fox get's ambushed, the
place that once held a long lost Cornerian war, the plae... WHERE IT'S
VERY, VERY HARD TO GET A FREEKIN MEDAL BECAUSE THAT'S THE ONLY PLACE
WHERE YOUR WINGMEN ARE USEFUL AND YOU DON'T WANT THEM TO BE BECAUSE YOU
NEED THE POINTS FOR THE MEDAL. NOT TO MENTION THAT FREEKIN KATT (sorry,
Ed)! EVERY TIME I TRY TO GET A POINT WHEN SHE COMES IS LIKE HECK! SHE
KEEPS KILLIN ALL THE SHIPS BEFORE YOU CAN GET TO THEM!!!!!!!!!! BOOOO
YOU FREEKIN TEAM!!!! Thanx for your time. I rarly have time to blow off
some steam bein Psycho and all...


You know you've been playing too much Starfox64 when... Submitted by mabutas@usa.net

a stuerdwerdiss comes to you and asks "coffe or tea"

Pepy harasses you

You notice Falco's ship is empty and Katt's ship is shakeing  and you here "OH yeah! GO FALCO! UH!UH!

You notice how star fox takes off a "clumb" before he starts to drive his landmaster

Wolf steals your landmaster

and blows up your house cause with the landmaster you keep shooting him down

You hear Slippy say "Fox, I dont feel so good"

You hear Bill go "You still owe me 25 cents"

You hear James McLoud say "I cánt see in these damn sun glasses!!!"

You get sued by Star wolf for breaking his human rights

You lose and get sent to a jail on Venom

Falco "acidentally" shoots a bomb on your jail in a atemp to break you out

but instead he burns you to death

A stuerdess comes and puts Fox's seat in the upright postion

You earn A LOT of frequent flyer miles

Before going to the next misson you hear Slippy say
the ticket is to expensive! I cant afford it!

You here Pepy the most experinced pilot go Let's see I guess this one is brake and this one is

Star Wolf adjects  out of his ship right before you shoot his plane down

And he shoots you down with a  hand grenade

You hear the Star Wars theme song

You see Will Smith flying one of Bill's ships on Katina

Right before dying Wolf gives you a middle finger

You get shot down and you hear Falco go
"YOU SUCK FOX! YOUR DAD CAN DO BETTER THEN THAT AND HE'S DEAD!"

YOU SEE LUKE SKYWALKER SHOOT YOU DOWN

and you hear him say "whoops, finger slipped" or "Well what was I suppose to do? I thought he was Darth Vader!"

THE DEATH STAR SHOOTS YOU DOWN

Darth Vader shoots you down

Pepy makes you bukkle your seatbelt.

You hear Wolf go "when will the hurting stop?"

and you see him cry too!

You hear Wolf go "woes me"
                             "It's not fair! I always get shot down"
                             "WAIT pit stop time!"


You've been playing too much Starfox when... Submitted by me

...when you go to a fancy restraunt and they serve frog legs, you scream out, "Nooooo.....!"

...when one of the characters die, you bury your game pak and buy a new one.

...you suck helium to impersonate Slippy.

...you think our sun is Solar.

...your N64 blew up just now from overload of playing too much.

...you came here to see if you qualified of being a "Starfox Freak Fan".

...you go to your rabbit for advice(but instead, it craps).

...you think Saddam is Andross in disguise trying to rule the world.

...when you see the sign "U-Turn", you try to flip your car.


Short Dialouge... Submitted by PsychoRaph


Pepper: I would like to show you
the newest bomb named after
Fox McCloud! The Foxen Bomb!

Falco: Hey, Einstein, that's a
tricycle! Try again,
Mr. Wizard!

Pepper: Oops...


A Weird Fact*... Submitted by PsychoRaph

Have you ever noticed that on some stages, you could be going straight
the whole time and then 'WHAM!'... One of your wingmen crash into you.
They start yelling at you as if you were the one swirving. I bet the
reason they don't answer you when you yell back at the screen is because
they know that it was their fault and they tried to dump it on you...


*Note from me* this guy is pretty scary because he yells at a TV screen. That must be why his name is PsychoRaph...



You haven't played enough Starfox when... Submitted by PsychoRaph

...you don't know who Fox McCloud is.

...you think Peppy Hare is a shampoo.

...you think ROB 64 is a new game.

...someone asks you what an arwing is you say, "I'm not sure, I've only flown the air vehile in Star Fox64.

...you think Slippy Toad is a girl.

...you think Slippy Toad is the man in the basement on Super Mario 64.

...you think the Landmaster is a new fitness machine.

...you go to the sports store to ask for one (see above).

...you don't even know what Star Fox is!!!!!!!!! That's very scary. If this refers to you, then GO AWAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

...you try to put Star Fox 64 in a Playstation (noooo)!!!!!!!! 


Top 3 Rejected Jokes... Submitted by again PsychoRaph

1. Bill: Did you hear about how 
      Star Wolf was captured? 
Katt: No, how did Star Wolf 
      get captured. 
Bill: Over a comm link, Pigma 
      squealed. 
2. Pepper: Slippy, I need help 
        with my speech please 
        use the word 'arrest' 
        in a sentence. 
Slippy: On Bolse, when I 
        constantly need help, 
        Falco tells me to give 
        it 'arrest'. 
 
      3. Peppy: When ROB was a proto- 
             type, what did he say 
             when he got hurt? 
 
Fox: What? 
 
Peppy: I want my data! 
 

You've played too much Star Fox 64 when... Submitted by PsychoRaph and thanks to Marauder

.. you've defended Star Wolf's view of cast.

...you know the Star Wolf team's last names (I know 'em)

...Pigma is somehow the winner of this month's poll.

...you think "Uncle Andross!" is a dramatic and emotional quote.

...you've figured out how Andross could've comquered the Lylat system.

...somehow the train engineer win's this month's poll.

...you've named your computer ROB 64 and have programmed it to say different quotes from Star Fox 64.

...you cry when Star Wolf get's shot down.

...you cry when ANYONE get's shot down.

...you've beaten both diffuculties on every route BLINDFOLDED.

...you talk back to the screen when someone sends a transmittion.

...you start talking like Peppy. "Use bombs wisely." "Use the brakes!"    "Use the boost to get through!"

...you start talking like Falco to your parents. "You cleaned yourroom!" "I guess YOU should be thankful."

...you wonder why the Cornerian army is so useless.

...you know why Katt and Falco know each other!=O)

...you move to Aquas for the scenery.


You've played too much Star Fox 64 when... Submitted by PsychoRaph


...you look for hints and tips when you read Shakespear's 'MacBeth'.

...when your friends tell you to stop saying, "hey, what's the big idea?"

...your convinced that Katina is a good place to visit but you'd never want to live there.

...if you've ever defended Slippy's voice.

...Nintendo limits you to 2 calls a day about a rumored "Star Fox 64 sequel".

...if you've ever tried to modify the rumble pak.

...you know the voice actor's names.

...if you've ever wrote Nintendo a letter concerning Cornerian government's political views.

...your convinced that Star Fox influenced Star Wars.
 


You've played too much Star Fox 64 when... Submitted by PsychoRaph 

You stare at a blank T.V. screen for hours to intercept a message from
Andross.

You make an aluminum version of Fox's communicator.

You carry a helium tank around so you can do bad impressions of Slippy.

You fall in love with Falco or Kat.

You want to get your driver's license so you can drive a Landmaster.
 


Submitted by Mike *Author said it was cheezy, but it's a start*

Q:What did Falco say to Slippy?
A: Stop hopping and get that "fly"!
 


TOP 10 REJECTED QUOTES FROM STARFOX64 submited by pelord

10. Peppy: "Fox! Are You Going To Listen To Me Or NOT?"

9. Fox: "Geez Slippy! I Told you to fix That Helium Leak in your Arwing!"

8. Fox: "For A Ghost, you sure Talk A Lot, Father."

7. Falco: "I'm Lombardi. Falco Lombardi"

6. Peppy: "Use The Force, Fox!"

5. Andross: "Join Me, StarFox, and you'll never go hungry AGAIN!"

4. Katt: "Falco, you're telling me you already forgot about last night?"

3. Fox: "Hey, ROB! They have a laser on Great Fox For A REASON, you know."

2. Andrew: "BEEFCAKE! BEEFCAKE!!"

1. Slippy: "FOX! I have to go to the Bathroom, REAL REAL BAD!